


I Won’t Fall, No Matter How Much I Wish To

by coffeeandshakyhands



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (these aren’t the real ppl they’re CHARACTERS), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Manipulation, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Gremlin TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Manipulative Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Alexis | Quackity, Mentioned Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Toby Smith | Tubbo, Mentioned Wilbur Soot, Metaphors, Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Please Kill Me, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Technoblade Has ADHD (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade Hears Voices (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade is Bad at Feelings (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Winged Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), ahahaaaaaa, almost forgot that tag, also phil has wings!!!!, and therapy, as usual, found family vibes :), from dream obviously, fuck that guy (in the smp obviously), he will STAB A MAN for ppl he cares about, he’s half piglin in my fics like usual, like a lot, not actually he’s just a lil shit, not explicitly said but yes, obviously because techno is a NERD, plz get him therapy, techno and tommy bond over trauma, will this flop? probably. do i care? not rlly, yep he hates emotions and wants death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:07:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28378983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandshakyhands/pseuds/coffeeandshakyhands
Summary: Tommy throughout the exile arc so far, and how he copes.(read the tags!)
Relationships: ALL PLATONIC :), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, they’re family ur honor
Comments: 13
Kudos: 311





	I Won’t Fall, No Matter How Much I Wish To

**Author's Note:**

> YOOOOO SUCK IT GREEN BOIIIII
> 
> anyways uhm quick trigger warnings! this includes:  
> -mentions of self harm  
> -mentions of abuse  
> -emotional manipulation  
> -explicit suicidal thoughts
> 
> yeah it’s sad af. enjoy :)

Being a hero of a story.

It’s a conflicting thing, really. Sometimes it can end well, like something out of a fairy tale. The hero slays some great beast and gets praise and love in return.

Other times, it ends tragically. It ends with misunderstandings, with assassinations, with betrayal.

Being a hero was like flipping a coin. Heads or tails. Glory or catastrophe. Living a life worth living or living in an agonizing cycle.

Tommy had been taught this over and over again, but he never fucking listened. Maybe he needed his hearing checked, he thought one night.

_ You want to be a hero, Tommy? Then  ** die like one! ** _

Those words repeated in his head on a daily basis, no matter how long he lay in his uncomfortable sleeping bag. The white fabric of the tent blocked his vision of the stars, meaning he couldn’t pretend he was somewhere else. He wanted to pretend that he was with Tubbo, his best friend.

Were they best friends now? Who could say. Definitely not Tommy himself, he knew that much.

Tommy was a hero, strangely enough. He was Theseus, a man who saved the thing he loved and got it taken away from him immediately after. It was as if his country was being held on a hook in front of him. Like a fisherman trying to bait a fish.

He took the bait. Now look where he was. He was in a tent, far away from his home. Exiled. He was falling into depression, and he wanted to die on the daily basis.

Maybe one morning, he would wake up in the water and decide that he shouldn’t get out. That sounded nice. Letting the water rush into his lungs as he let the saltwater burn his eyes. What would it feel like? Much better than the current existence he was living, that was for sure.

Nobody visited him. Ghostbur was there, which was nice, but he was fading. He was coming less and less, instead disappearing from the entire land for days and then coming back with no memory of leaving. Most of the time, it was just him and Logstedshire.

Him and alone time hadn’t been a good combination lately. It resulted in cuts and bruises. At this rate, half of them were just for the rush of it. He liked the feeling that pain gave him. It made him feel like a person, like he was still on this planet and not just a husk of a boy.

As much as he hated to admit, he wanted his family. He wanted Techno’s chicken noodle soup he made in their childhood (he always added extra carrots), Phil’s hugs with the soft wings that wrapped around his body, Wilbur ruffling his hair.

It hurt. So much. It was worse than any damage he could do to himself.

The next morning, Tommy was hit. Over and over, Dream smacked him, yelling and screaming as he pointed to Tommy’s previously hidden chests.

“You lied to me! I thought we were friends, Tommy! I’m the only one you can trust, remember?!”

The young man (only a young man due to the blood he had watched spill from others) realized at that moment that he wanted to  **leave**.

The second that Dream went back through that portal, he buttoned up Wilbur’s coat and grabbed the little amount of food that he had, setting off on his way into the arctic.

Cold. It was freezing, his feet barely covered by his torn up shoes as he stumbled through the snow. His mind was static, the tips of his fingers beginning to turn from red to blue. Frost bite. Shit.

He collapsed into a small cave, quickly grabbing some loose stones and rocks and covering the entrance. After he lit a fire, he went through the drawn out process of having to slowly warm his hands, knowing frostbite treatment due to the fact that Quackity taught him how to do so (“Being stuck in the cold is shit, little man. Trust me, it’s happened to me,”).

Tommy’s eyes wandered to the stones he used to cover the entrance, making sure there was a crack so he wouldn’t die due to the smoke. He let out a shaky breath, looking at his hands. The tips of his fingers were slowly gaining their (pale, so very pale) color back. Thank god. 

_ Stomping. Loud. Heavy boots. _

The teenager felt his body freeze in fear, quickly grabbing his cracked stone sword for some sort of defense. It was better than nothing.

He watched the rocks of the sealed-off cave move, being greeted by a man with tusks, bright and braided hair, and a torch.

“Hey? You okay in there?”

Oh. Techno didn’t realize it was him. Fucking peachy.

“I’m fine,” Tommy called, causing Techno’s eyes to widen.

“Tommy? Is that you?”

“No, it’s fucking Bruno Mars.”

Techno crouched down further, finally being able to see Tommy properly in the small cave. “Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be up with Dream? Ya’ know, in exile?”

Tommy went silent, glaring at his older brother. The warrior never cared about him, when did he suddenly start?

“Fuck off, I don’t have to tell you shit,” The younger spat, giving a glare. Techno rolled his eyes, beginning to stand up and grabbing his torch again.

“Fine, I’ll just report you to the green fucker, then-”

“No, Techno, please. Please don’t send me back! I-I’ll do anything, I swear-” Tommy began to panic, grabbing Techno’s arm as the older looked at him in a mixture of pity and concern. Techno’s glanced at the hand on his arm, then back at the boy in front of him.

“Tommy, what the hell did Dream do to you?”

“N-Nothing! Nothing at all. He didn’t do anything, I’m just joking. Was it funny? Hardy-har-har,” Tommy awkwardly rambled, letting out a nervous laugh as he nearly fell over from how quickly he pulled away from Techno. The pink-haired man raised an eyebrow, putting his hands on his hips.

“You sure, Tommy? Pretty sure ya’ can’t fake that kind of reaction to me making an empty threat.”

“Yeaaaaah, I’m just a really good actor!”

“We both know that’s one of the biggest lies that’s ever been told.”

Tommy glared at the taller man, jokingly pouting his lip. The latter rolled his eyes, holding out his hand.

“Come on, Tommy. You can stay with me.“

The boy mentioned gave a look of shock. “What?”

“You heard me. Now, come on before I change my mind.”

Let’s just say Tommy had never gotten up faster in his life.

Weeks passed. Tommy helped chop wood, helped farm, helped cook. He pulled his weight, Techno showing his appreciation through small smiles and shoulder squeezes.

Techno never touched the younger’s arms. The only time he had tried to do so resulted in Tommy panicking and nearly smashing an entire chest of potions. That was the first and last time it ever happened. The taller man gave looks of concern anytime he saw Tommy bandage his arms or come out of the bathroom after being in there for nearly thirty minutes, but he never asked questions.

It was an unspoken agreement. Techno didn’t ask about Tommy’s arms or Dream, and Tommy didn’t ask about Techno’s voices. 

A pact. Like the stupid ones they had when they were kids. When Wilbur and Tommy would team up to prank Techno. When Tommy and Techno would agree on who got the toy sword to jokingly spare with Phil. When Techno and Wilbur would agree on who woke Tommy up for training in the morning. 

Then there were serious ones that they had when Techno was basically adopted by Phil. When Techno joined the family as a scrawny fourteen year old, Wilbur and Tommy immediately accepting him in.

This pact was much more tragic than them being kids. It was more of a way of avoiding emotions, avoiding a topic for as long as possible until one day it finally had to be discussed. As if it were a thin sheet of ice waiting to be broke.

It did break.

It broke a few minutes after they got back from the meeting with Tubbo and Dream threatening the both of them. Techno was carrying his crossbow in one hand and his pickaxe in the other, Tommy trailing behind him with his broken fishing rod and damaged sword. Silence had cast over them, Tommy’s mind racing at a million miles a hour.

_ Favor. A favor. What favor? Was he going to betray him again? He really couldn’t take someone else, not Techno again, please— _

“Tommy?”

The boy’s eyes snapped up. “Yeah?”

“I just asked what you wanted for dinner,” The man in front of him said (repeated?). Tommy looked down at the snow on his boots, wanting to avoid eye contact.

“Could you make that chicken noodle soup? You know, with the extra carrots?”

Techno nodded, turning back around and continuing to walk. Tommy continued to follow the elder’s lead, mind continuing to work as if it were running a full blown marathon. His attention was taken away from his own brain and directed to Techno muttering under his breath.

“No, we’re not doing that. I’m tired,” the younger boy made out, watching the elder sigh as he shook his head. 

“It’s the voices, isn’t it?”

Techno stopped in his tracks, causing Tommy to also stop out of instinct. Fuck. He had messed up. That was the one rule: don’t talk about  them. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I heard you mumbling and I was confused and you can hit me if you want to-”

“Tommy, why in the name of Notch would I hit you?” Techno deadpanned, turning in his heel and raising an eyebrow at his little brother. Tommy tensed, letting out a sigh.

“Dream did when I talked out of line, so I figured you would to.”

“What?” Techno asked, horror taking over his face as one of his ears flicked.

“It’s nothing, really-”

“No, Tommy, we’ve been holding off on this topic for a while, I think I deserve an explanation.”

“Don’t I deserve an explanation for why you blew up L’Manberg?”

“You can’t go back to that anytime I try to get you to open up about shit, Tommy! These are things that you should talk about. It’s not healthy to bottle up emotions.”

Tommy let out a laugh. “That’s hilarious coming from you, Mr. Serious. You never talk about anything emotion related! Your only outlet is violence and farming.”

“It’s still a somewhat healthy outlet! You don’t have one, Tommy. The only one you have is hurting yourself!”

Silence.

Techno’s eyes immediately widened, his face forming into one of regret. “Fuck, that was too far, I’m so sorry. Jesus christ, what the fuck-”

“It’s fine, you’re right,” Tommy mumbled, tears forming in his eyes. “I don’t want to talk to people because I’m terrified of what will happen, okay? I-I don’t want to risk getting stabbed in the back-” The teen cut himself off with a sniffle, not even realizing that there were tears and snot running down his face.

Warmth. He felt strong arms wrap around his back, his face getting buried into a soft coat.

“Thought you weren’t one for touching.”

“Shut up and enjoy the moment, you gremlin child.”

The few minutes that they hugged were nothing but comfort for Tommy, even if there was snow in his boots and hair. He felt safe, like nothing could touch him. Techno was a violent person, sure, but he also had a comforting presence. Once you got past all the seriousness and angst, you got to see a guy who genuinely cares about multiple people and who defends what he loves.

It was nice, seeing this side of his brother. He rarely got to see it, so it felt great.

Tommy was the one to pull way, letting Techno wrap an arm around his shoulders as the two walked side by side back to the cabin. 

They talked. They talked about Techno’s fear of abandonment, about Tommy’s trust issues, about Techno’s way of getting annoyed if the slightest thing was crooked, about Tommy hurting himself.

The last of those topics was talked about over chicken noodle soup and hot cocoa, the elder of the two insisting that Tommy could come to him if he ever felt like doing so again.

Things weren’t fixed. They weren’t perfect. In fact, they were far from it. But Tommy and Techno both weren’t going to get knocked down, even if they felt like they deserved it.

**Author's Note:**

> ayyyyy thanks for reading :) please correct spelling errors in the comments


End file.
